About “Out West”

Out West is a conservative blog, politically. We have opinions on almost everything, and if we don’t, it’s because some stuff doesn’t affect us or is moot. Maryland is our home, we live in Colorado, but we belong in Utah. We love pecan pie just as much as we hate rhubarb pie. We are convinced that anyone who serves us rhubarb pie hates us. We think most politicians are little more than skilled liars, except the politicians we support. We think John Fogerty is a musical genius even if he is a Berkeley liberal. We think professional football is the epitome of sport, unless women’s beach volleyball is on. We think it is wrong to buy a house out by the airport and then complain about the noise. We believe Oswald acted alone, that Nixon got a bum rap, and that the United States Congress is a nest of vipers, pimps, and thieves. 

We like camping out under the stars in the Utah desert in springtime. With the exception of cases involving rape, incest, risk to the mother’s health or evidence of profound birth defect, we are pro-life. We believe the 2nd Amendment should have come 1st. We believe that all federal judges up to and including the Supreme Court of the United States should be subject to term limits. We believe that the first woman elected President will be a Republican. We believe that the Constitution of the United States was absolutely perfect and complete at the moment the first person to sign it put pen to parchment, and we believe that judges who ‘interpret’ the Constitution according to ‘evolving standards of opinion’ by finding ‘penumbras’ and ‘emanations’ are deliberately undermining the rule of law and everything this country stands for. We believe the Democrats’ core problem is that they have abandoned all principle in the pursuit of power, and the attainment of that power has become an end unto itself. We believe that the most dangerous political development over the last 30 years is the national press’ total abandonment of any notion of fairness or impartiality. We believe Oprah Winfrey has done far more to harm American society than help it.

We believe that Washington Redskins running back John Riggins’ 43-yard touchdown run against the Miami Dolphins in the 4th quarter of Super Bowl XVII was the greatest moment in sports ever. We feel that there are few things in life that cannot be improved with the addition of a little peanut butter. We like Sara Evans and Dwight Yoakam but we DO NOT like country music. We believe the last six words of our obituary will be “…before turning the gun on himself“. We think tattoos are for guys unless it’s a little heart or butterfly on a woman’s hip, in which case we like tattoos on women. We don’t like body piercings on women unless it’s a tiny little gold thing in her belly button, in which case we like them. We think the natural look is preferable to the Brazilian.

We like reading Yeats, Plath, Frost, Kipling, and Poe. Some of our favorite books are Atlas Shrugged, Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas, Moby Dick, Desert Solitaire, and Ivanhoe. Music we listen to includes Garbage, The Wallflowers, Kathleen Edwards, Letters To Cleo, Roger Clyne & The Peacemakers, April March, The B-52s, Brian Eno, Divinyls,  Giant Drag, Joan Jett And The Blackhearts, Link Wray, Stevie Ray Vaughan, The Ventures, ZZTop, Creedence Clearwater Revival, Chris Isaak, Cowboy Junkies, AC/DC (with the late Bon Scott only), and Ludwig Van Beethoven. 

We would rather swim in the ocean than in a pool.  We shave with a straight razor and then slap on some Old Spice. We like Gwyneth Paltrow even though she is a Hollywood liberal and married to that whiny prick from Coldplay. We like vanilla but sometimes order butter pecan. We think that if you put anything besides cream or sugar in your coffee, then you are a stuck up left-wing cultural elitist snob, unless all they have is that french vanilla creamer, in which case it’s okay. We believe the best movie western is “True Grit”, the best cop movie is “Dirty Harry“, the best war movie is “Patton”, and the best scary movie is “The Shining“. We feel that “Casablanca” is the best movie ever made unless “The Maltese Falcon” is on, and further, we feel that anyone who tells you “Citizen Kane” is the best movie ever made is an insufferable twit.  We believe that the best song for getting a speeding ticket is The Doors’ “LA Woman” turned up to 11. We don’t give a rat’s ass what Europeans think, unless they agree with us, in which case we think they’re right. 

Finally, we think whitewall tires are wrong, Keith Olberman is an asshole, and pineapple is not a pizza topping.